Pontificating Poetry

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Here it is guys, my week in reverse. Last Saturday me and one of my favorite humans Una decided to broaden our horizons by going to see some slam poetry. I had no idea what slam poetry was but it was an excuse to throw off the shackles of my husband and kids and shoot the shit with my friend. We get there and like a cultural punch in the face we realise that poetry in Perth is actually a ‘thing’, they are organised, they are serious and they have depth man. It took all of 30 seconds in the venue for me to realise we had enough collective arts degrees in one room to wallpaper all of Leederville. My goal was to kick back with Unes, heckle the beautiful Bridget behind the bar and pretend I had zero responsibilities. Unfortunately the universe had other plans. You see on this particular night it was the finals of slam poetry and each guest was given a raffle ticket, if your ticket was called you got a poetry stubby holder and the hefty responsibility of being a poetry judge. The minute I heard this I fucking knew I would be the chosen one. I just have this knack of being roped into crowd participation. And sure as my ass points to the ground, my number came up…
Part of me felt completely unqualified for the job since the last poem I wrote was about snails and was around the time that Christ was a boy. Secondly I felt fearful that if I pissed off enough poets with low scores that I could very well be mobbed with interpretive dance and far flung metaphors in the car park. Even Unes turned to me and said “I wonder how the room would feel if they knew one of the judges watches Bob’s Burgers everynight”, I imagine that would be frowned upon. My beloved friend even suggested that I should get up there and drop poem on the crowd and in that moment all I could think of was Bart Simpson’s rendition of “bean beans the musical fruit, the more you  eat the more you toot”. But I soldiered on and gave it my all as a judge. There was one guy that stood out and his name was Splodge or Snudge or Splooge etc and at first I was unsure if he was reading poetry of experiencing anaphylaxis on stage. There were several contemporary poems emphatically read that captivated the audience into clicking their fingers  (apparently that’s a thing people do to express a feeling – still not sure what feeling). I tried to keep my votes neutral so as not to piss off the room, but without voting too high and appearing like a people pleaser. I’m a massive fan of people watching because I love people who embrace their individuality so this room was my petri dish. So many diverse, rad and cultured folk all squeezed into one room. At one stage I mentioned to Unes how sweet the lesbian couple smooching on the floor were. Turns out that ‘lesbian’ was a dude with a truly incredible blow wave and funky scarf. Live and learn. Eventually we waded through the inner most thoughts of the poets and two truly talented girls (who I voted highly) won and were sent to the national finals in Sydney (you’re welcome ladies). On the drive home Unes and I lamented over the highs and lows of life and poetry and decided we need to try more new stuff. We equally conquered that if a hip hop battle fell in the lap of Perth we would be all over that shit. Maybe I should write a poem about poetry seeing as I am now considered an expert! Stay tuned.